Crack Fiction Kingdom Hearts Key Keepers B and E
by Ramen.Princess21
Summary: Crack Fiction from a KH story I was writing super super funny:  Dark and Xehanort decided they are gonna do a B and E and we arent talking about a bacon and egg combo,


Crack Fic: B and E

**WE DO NOT OWN KINGDOM HEARTS OR THE CHARACTERS THIS INCLUDES FINAL FANTASY.  
>IF WE DID THEY WOULD BE LIVING IN OUR CLOSETS o.o<br>MEZ AND TASH ARE OUR OWN CREATIONS.  
>PLEASE READ AND REVIEW.<strong>

Dark sat in his room alone looking at his ceiling, letting his mind graze over thoughts but not really thinking about anything in general. He had an odd feeling lately but had no idea what he wanted or what it was. He continued to look around his room, at the pictures, the shelves and small knick-knacks he had acquired in his time here since leaving his kingdom. 'What was it I wanted?' He thought to himself. Then it hit him.

He wanted to do a B and E…

And he would need an accomplice…

He glanced over at his clock that read 10 pm and picked up his cell phone that he had acquired some time ago and dialed Xehanort.

-Over at Xehanort's place-

Xehanort was having a wonderful dream about opening Kingdom Hearts and harnessing its true power to rule the world when his phone had rang; He sat up from his bed removing his sleeping dark circle removal eye mask from his face (He wanted to look good and well rested before the big day tomorrow) and picked up his phone from his bedside table.

"Hello?"

"Hey dude, check it out bro. We are going on an um…Adventure tonight." Said Dark from the other line.

Xehanort began to whine. "What? Uh… I don't like adventures… what?"

"I need you to drive and come with me-" he lowered his voice and continued with excitement "-We're doing a B and E."

"Nooooo~oooo~" was the response Dark heard from the other side of the phone "Whatever your thinking Dark, No. Nooooo~"

Dark's tone became deathly scary. "Dude you come over here and pick me up right now or this relationship is over forever! I won't even talk to you in the next life. Come over!" Click. And with that the line was dead and Xehanort hoped out of bed quicker than ever before whipping his hair growth formula off of his head and put on his best black shirt with pair of black jeans.

-In Xehanort's beat up station wagon-

"Drive around the community, I wanna find the best place to do my B/E" Said Dark as he smirked with excitement.

"Don't do it Dark, Don't do this…." Whined Xehanort. "Why would you even do this?"

"Because I need to… It's a quest. And I am on it!"

"Eh, Dude ….Dude we are gonna get in trouble. Like Big trouble dude." Xehanort griped the wheel nervously.

"I know. I am looking for trouble. Now pull over around this corner."

Dark scanned the neighborhood at the houses,

"Nope, not that house. Nope, that one feels weird." Dark continued to look and then BOOM, he saw the perfect one. "That's the house right there man. That's the house the house I am doing a B and E in…" Dark turned to Xehanort and saw him shacking and breathing heavily. Regardless he pulled over a block away from the target. They got out and jumped into the backyard of a house and began to jump the fences being as stealthy as they could after jumping about the third fence Xehanort's shirt got caught on the fence.

"Dark…" Whispered Xehanort loudly "My shirt…My shirt is stuck…and this in my favorite shirt…" Xehanort whined and complained. Dark walked back to Xehanort and helped him free of the fence

"You don't wear your favorite shirt on a B and E, you wear your second best shirt you dunce!" Dark flicked Xehanort on the forehead and they continued till they got to the house. The snuck their way to the front of the house, Dark could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest. He advanced up the walkway, hands clammy. He was ready to do this… He was gonna go right through that front door. Dark looked back at Xehanort again. "You ready to do this?"

"Wait….wait….dude…I hear a car…"

"Yea… and you're gonna hear a lot of them your entire life. If you hear like a talking mouse or something more interesting then let me know alright?" Dark turned back to the house shaking his head. Xehanort looked around and saw Mickey and Minney walking under the light of the street lamp holding hands.

"Um Dark?"

"Shush."

"But Dark!" Said Xehanort in a hoarse whisper but was ignored.

Dark was three paces from the door, his heart was beating hard. He took the steps slow…one…two…three… he stopped right at the door.

_Maybe I can't go through this…_ he thought to himself. _NAH!_ Was his last thought before he kicked in the door sending it flying through the house. He smiled. _That felt amazing! _He stepped into the house and realized something important.

He did not want to do a B and E…

He just wanted to kick a door in!

He was still so pumped up about kicking in the door; he went up to the closet and kicked that door in too. He then turned to Xehanort.

"Hey let's get out of here."

"Yea."

They didn't even bother to go through the backyards this time but instead raced down the street and hopped into the car and got out of there like a bat outta hell.

-Back at Darks place-

Dark was laying on his bed again, thinking about the B and E he had committed… if you could even call it that. He broke in, took 2 steps inside and left. That counted didn't it? He didn't let his mind dawdle over it as he laid his head on his pillow for some much needed rest. Tomorrow was a big day he would have to be in fighting shape if he wanted to do his best. He had to do it for Light.

-Over at the house with the newly broken door-

"What the hell did they take!" Screamed Ven as Aqua and Terra looked over the house to see what was taken. "Did they change out the batteries to the remote! Did they change out the good batteries for these crappy ones? I mean really if I don't figure this out Aqua…I WANT A DIVORCE!"

**READ AND REVIEW, HOPE YOU ENJOYED.**

**We also do not own Dane Cook's material.**


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